I responded to a reporter’s inquiry about ways to keep sex hot in a marriage…a chance to advocate for exploring solo sexuality as a meaningful complement/supplement to paired sex.

I’m sure you will get responses to your inquiry that include fantasy, sex toys, exploring new positions, and even other types of dalliances. I would like to venture the following: that solo sex is a vital and gratifying aspect of our sexuality that should be a part of any relationship and it can enhance the enjoyment of paired sex for many reasons.

1) Solo sex allows us to explore our own sexuality, our erogenous zones, what turns us on, like increasing our ‘sexual vocabulary’ which can help us sexually communicate better with our partner.

2) Solo sex keeps our sex organs and glands in optimal function during any interim between paired sex. In other words, solo sex can maintain our libido, our sexual desire, which enhances the enjoyment of paired sex.

3) Solo sex is the opportunity to love ourselves for who we are, to appreciate and accept our bodies, to affirm our attractiveness, and the confidence to openly share ourselves with our mates.